Photo: Becker/FOX
In case your
AT&T phone didn’t remind you, last night marked the premiere of
American Idol’s eighth season. Simon, Randy and Paula, plus
new judge Kara DioGuardi, hit up Phoenix, Arizona, for the first auditions, but the episode opened with a cheesy montage that aimed to convey the majesty of the show by sprinkling in shots of the American landscape (the upshot: footage of David Hasselhoff and Elliott Yamin’s adorable mom) as Ryan Seacrest intoned the show’s zen new mantra: “The beauty of
Idol is the journey itself.” Is that a trip to product-placement heaven? But we won’t squabble with producers’ decision to run
of tweens blowing out at David Archuleta’s defeat last season, or to include more substantive auditions and fewer wackos.
Of the 10,000 people who tried out in Phoenix, 27 received passes to Hollywood Week. Here’s a quick rundown:
Ones to Watch:
• Deanna Brown, the subtle blonde with a country drawl who killed on “(Sittin’ on) The Dock of the Bay.”
• Horror-movie-maker Cody Shelton — because he’s the
Danny Noriega of Season Eight and even comes with his own
.
• Emily Hughes, the pink-haired “Barracuda”-snarling frontwoman who’s about to pull a Constantine Maroulis and ditch her bandmates for the show.
• Stevie Wright, who’s named for Stevie Nicks, and swung a sultry version of Etta James’ “At Last.”
• Blind Scott MacIntyre who nailed Billy Joel’s “And So It Goes” and then had this awkward exchange with Seacrest: “We’ll see how it goes.” … “We’ll see you in Hollywood.”
Meh:
• Bikini-clad Katrina Darrell is obviously taking her wardrobe cues from
Rock of Love’s Megan, and the male panelists likey. She so enraged DioGuardi, the judge exclaimed, “Hold on a minute, bitch.” (As Tina Fey would say, “cat sound!”) Golden ticket in hand, Darrell kissed Seacrest to the strains of “I Kissed a Girl.” Okay, we get it, Ryan is a lesbian.
• Nice guy J.B. Ahfua and do-gooder Arianna Afsar, who both scored trips to Hollywood but didn’t have the wow factor.
• Michael Sarver, the oil-rig roughneck who can croon.
Ones to Wipe From Your Memory With Bleach:
• Cubicle worker (and self-proclaimed “rock star in a box”) Randy Madden, who wept pre-audition, during his audition and, yes, post-audition. Simon called his off-key “Livin’ on a Prayer” “wimpy.”
• Michael Gurr, who was super-nervous for good reason: his constipated murmur was so bad he required medical attention after he sang.
Thanks for the Memories:
• Lea Marie Golde described herself as Kara DioGuardi’s biggest fan and her music as a cross between Hilary Duff and Madonna. Her nasal rendition of Cascada’s “Every Time We Touch” was a campy delight.
• Brianna Quijada let her inner monologue out (”Oh my God, I’m hugging Paula Abdul, y’all!”) after scoring a yes for singing “Let’s Hear it for the Boy.”
• Alex Wagner-Trugman taught himself to sing whilst in a closet. Which led Simon to the season’s inaugural uncomfortable gay comment: “You just came out of the closet?” Okay, we get it, Ryan Seacrest is a lesbian!
• “I’m 22 years old, I’m from Phoenix, Arizona, and I’m 22 years old.” Thus spoke low-voiced Elijah Scarlett.
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?American Idol? Returns With New Judge DioGuardi, Zen Mantra, Cavalcade of Meh Singer
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